ambivalent

I think most often the word ambivalent is misused or at least confused with the word indifferent. Instead of having no opinion at all, being ambivalent means that you have two conflicting opinions about one thing. I find myself packing (AGAIN!) this morning, I've been visiting my parents in Rhode Island for the last week, and am heading back to Texas this afternoon. I'm amazed by my inability to deal with the overwhelming sense of ambivalence I have. In the same breath I'm excited to return to Austin, and sad about leaving New England behind again. And why shouldn't I be.

It's been a great week, so many friends and family packed in to 7 short days. It's a little tough to deal with the rollercoaster of saying good-bye to someone again, and being excited to see someone else for the first time about 4 minutes later. It gets to the point where you're just excited for a return to your regularly scheduled life. Until plane day, when you realize you really do like these people here!

Someone very wise asked me yesterday, 'is there no middle ground?' and unfortunately, I don't always find it. Days like today it's the hardest - but (thanks AS), I've begun to look for that middle ground. So, instead of being sad to leave I'm just going to bask in the glow of all the wonderful people and things I've seen and done this week. The take home message from this trip is, I have a set of the world's greatest friends - from everywhere. I mean, seriously, does it get better than this?

Oh, and to top it off - I won't be hung over for my 2-hour layover in Newark today. It's a weird feeling to fly like this, but...I think I'll be modeling my flight nights after last night from now on.