a thanksgiving nightmare

It's the week I've been waiting for - this year I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner (for somewhere between 5 and 7 people). And while this poses a few logistical problems (I've only got place settings for 4, my table only seats 2, and I'm not sure there is enough counter space to even spread out all the food) I couldn't be more excited. In fact, I've already baked the pumpkin bread and the zucchini bread - they are in the freezer now. I bought the turkey a week ago, and I had a practice run roasting a chicken. So, we're set to go.

Until my nightmare on Saturday night.

It just so happened that I acquired two turkeys. The one I bought and the one my advisor had given to me. They were both in my freezer, and on defrosting day I decided to pull one out and save one for later. On Thanksgiving, with dinner set at 2pm, I was a little stressed and running late, preparing to put the bird in the oven at 1:30pm. I was a thoughtful hostess and sent out a widespread text message to my guests, 'Running a little late over here...' I tore the packaging off of the bird, only to find that the turkey was not actually a turkey. It was, in fact, a bunch of shrimp constructed to look like a turkey. I freaked out. I couldn't serve a shrimp-turkey. So I quickly pulled out the "spare" turkey to check it out. It did not appear to be a shrimp-turkey, so I grabbed the phone and quickly called the Turkey Hotline.

'Turkey Hotline, what is your emergency?'
'HELP! I need to defrost and cook a 12 pound turkey in under 30 minutes!'
'Ok ma'am, calm down. We're sending help immediately.'

Help never came, Thanksgiving was ruined, and I was running around doing that weird dream crying thing where there were no actual tears falling...

And then I woke up. Panicked. I was fully aware it was Sunday, and I was fully aware of what Sunday meant:
This is the note that has been hanging on my fridge basically since I bought the turkey. I had to write it down, because I was stuck in this perpetual loop. Every three hours or so I would recalculating when to thaw the turkey, scared that I would forget. I needed a break from that, hence - the note. I jumped out of bed at 6am, and ran to the freezer. I looked all over the packaging, and I didn't see any indication that it was a shrimp-turkey and not a real turkey, none. So I transferred it to the fridge to begin the thaw.

Turkey update: As of today, Monday morning. It still seems very, VERY frozen. Not 1/3 less frozen than it was. Not 4lbs less frozen than it was. Maybe it's not a shrimp-turkey, but maybe it's a super-unthawable-turkey.

Fridge update: