a lesson in heat

I feel like the only thing I've been saying lately is "It's so dang hot!" But, it's just that - so dang hot. On Thursday we reached 110 degrees* on my car thermometer. With the humidity and the heat index, I'm sure it "felt like" at least 115. On Friday, I got into my car at 6pm, and it said 110 degrees. Six in the evening is supposed to be on the cool slide of the scale, in my faux-reality at least. I walked into my apartment where the AC was set to 80 degrees. I did the quick math, 80 degrees inside is 30 degrees cooler than the 110 degrees outside. Since when, in the history of anything normal, is 80 degrees thirty degrees cooler than anything?!

Let me just explain a bit what happens when you get into your car and it's been 110 degrees. First, you can not breathe in, for fear of passing out instantly. You must quickly open the windows, and leave the car door open. Now here comes the tricky part. You must use one pinky on one hand to move the shifter from 1st to neutral. Don't risk more than that, its not worth it. Now, using the fourth finger on that same hand you release the emergency brake. Why the fourth finger? Obviously because you can not re-use your pinky, it's on FIRE. About now you will have to shut the door, and using your first and second fingers you can turn the key. I'm sure you wonder, why is the key hot, it wasn't in the car the whole day. It's true, it wasn't, but it has now been in the car for 5 minutes and is also hotter than hades. Now with the car on, you have to buckle up. For this I use my opposite hand, and you have to first locate the metal buckle part - do not attempt to put on your seatbelt without being aware of where the buckle is, that thing is currently a leathal weapon. You must quickly grab the strap and then at the last possible moment, grip the plastic near the buckle and buckle it in. If you still have use of your hands, and if you have not branded yourself in the shoulder with the buckle, you can now drive off. Obviously using only one finger for the steering wheel.

And, that's just starting your car. Let's not discuss the pitfalls of running. The short version is, it sucks. I ran yesterday at 630am, it was already 85 when we started, and it was about 93 when we finished, and 4 miles has never been so difficult in my entire life.

Moral is, it's so dang hot!

*My apologies to those of you stuck in the darkness that is the northeast. I know you all want to say "blah blah blah...what I wouldn't give for sun....blah blah blah", but seriosuly, I'm going to go out on a limb and ask you to be careful what you wish for. There's a happy medium, and I'm ok with concluding that neither of us are experiencing it currently.